Om fett och feminism

En text från en gammal blogg om viktnedgång.

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A while ago I went to a really interesting one-woman show, about being fat and about fat and femininity and society. And it got me thinking, again, about a subject I’ve been struggling with for a long time.

How do you — that is, I — as a fat-positive, cynical feminist, someone who believes in fighting the norm and subverting the standards, combine that with losing weight? It is largely a health issue, for me, and trying to help my body do all the things I want it to – but I won’t deny that there’s an element of vanity involved. I’ve always dealt with body insecurity and unhappiness, and even went through some fairly destructive phases when I was younger. I don’t want to define myself as my body, and let my feelings about my body define I how feel, but sometimes it’s difficult not to get caught up in how I wish my arms looked, what sort of lines my body carves in space, and how other people (might) see me.

The weirdest part is that I started the whole weight-loss thing at a time when I was happiest with myself. I was X-odd pounds, but I’d found happiness and confidence. Maybe that was key, I don’t know. But I lost part of that confidence and happiness as I started to lose weight, because my entire body became a project. As I saw change, I also saw the changes to come and the changes I wanted – which obviously meant the body I had at the moment was imperfect. I’m still trying to find the balance there.

I lost track of where I was going exactly, here.